


And Would Suffice

by Rubynye



Series: Fire And Ice [1]
Category: Star Trek XI
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, F/M, Genderswap, Mirror Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-10
Updated: 2010-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-06 02:46:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubynye/pseuds/Rubynye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Leah McCoy shut her mouth and one time she didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Would Suffice

Title: And Would Suffice  
Fandom: Star Trek XI  
Rating: R with warnings.  
Pairing: Captain James T. Kirk / Dr. Leah Lenore McCoy  
Summary: Five times Leah McCoy shut her mouth and one time she didn't.  
Prompt: "[ Mirror!Girl-Bones ran from her abusive ex with nothing but the clothes on her back and her daughter... When she told [Starfleet] she was trained as a doctor... they gave her to hotshot rising star James T. Kirk.](http://community.livejournal.com/issenterprise/2144.html?thread=112224#t112224)" From the ISS Kink Meme.  
Content Advisory: **Deeply dubious consent**. Het, violence, threatened violence involving a child, offscreen character death. Mirrorverse setting.  
All Thanks To: [](http://lomedet.livejournal.com/profile)[**lomedet**](http://lomedet.livejournal.com/) and [](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/profile)[**petronelle**](http://petronelle.livejournal.com/) for reassurance, and [](http://graceandfire.livejournal.com/profile)[**graceandfire**](http://graceandfire.livejournal.com/) for inspiration.  
_Disclaimer:_ None of these characters or their settings belong to me.  
Title from: "Fire and Ice" by Robert Frost.

**One.**

Dr. Leah Lenore McCoy stands in Admiral Pike's office, holding her four-year-old daughter's hand, facing the man who now literally owns her, willing her shaking knees to keep her upright. Captain James Kirk is dark blond, blue-eyed, trimly muscled and very pretty, and that just scares her more, because between his looks and his command he could have anyone he wants, so why does he need to own somebody?

He looks her over slowly, head to foot, his eyes full of self-assured hunger, and her palm itches to slap that leer off his face. He smiles at Joanna, under Pike's dishonestly benevolent gaze, and Leah wants to yank her little girl behind her. Especially when Joanna ducks her head and cautiously smiles back.

Instead Leah just stands and watches as Kirk crouches to Joanna's level, smiling and easy, as he tells Joanna how they're going to live on his starship with him, tossing a teasing glance sideways as he explains how her mother will be his 'sawbones'. He looks young and sunny, and Leah wonders how this pretty boy keeps control of the _Enterprise_ whether or not Pike's favor installed him there.

"You gonna be my new daddy?" Joanna asks, and Leah lets her eyes wince shut. Joanna's missed Jake, even though she was scared of him, even though she cried when he beat Leah in front of her and screamed for him to stop. She's missed a home and all its daily routines, toys and meals and a soft bed, poor kid. Leah strokes Joanna's hair and forces herself to see Kirk's answer.

"No," he says, still smiling. "But you can call me Captain Jim." He reaches back, and Pike wordlessly hands him the chip in its inserter. They've already keyed it to Leah's genes and Kirk's code; once a week he'll transmit the code to the chip, or it'll release a quick-acting toxin. The code is also required to keep it from detonating upon any attempt to remove it, and another code will make it discharge instantly. For Starfleet, it's a relatively subtle shackle. Leah lets go of Joanna's hand to push her sleeve up, though that bares the faded brown and yellow bruises from Jake's fingers. She's resigned herself to this.

Kirk grips Joanna's wrist and implants the chip in _her_ arm, faster than Leah's heart can lurch into her throat, faster than she can step between them, faster than she can inhale to shriek--

\--and his gaze hits her like a physical blow, blue and cold with every bit of menace he's hidden until now. Leah slams her mouth closed, though she's sick and shaking with rage. "Ow," Joanna says, soft and bemused instead of howling, and Leah's legs give out. She drops to her knees and grabs her daughter, shushing Joanna gently and stroking her as if she's comforting her child, not the other way around.

Pike breathes an amused noise. Kirk smiles again, wide and sunny. "Sorry, kiddo." He even sounds apologetic. "You're so brave! I put that in you so you'll never be lost." He reaches to tousle Joanna's hair, and Leah shudders with the effort of holding still and allowing him to touch her child again. "I'm going to take care of you, and your mom's going to take care of me." He looks at Leah, the edge of his mouth a sardonic curl. "It's all going to be good."

 

**Two. **

"Dr. McCoy," Kirk says, not loudly but pitched to carry over Lt. McGivers's agonized screams.

"Just a moment, Captain." Leah's working on dialing in the correct dose of tramadol while McGivers repeatedly shrieks a note that bounces around inside her head, battering at her concentration.

Then Kirk's voice slices through her calculations. "McCoy. _Now._"

Leah turns. Kirk is laid out on his stomach, phaser burns streaked and blistered over his back and side, but his forehead is barely creased with pain. He curls one finger, and Leah strides over. "Dammit, _Sir_," she remembers to add. "I've just got to stabilize McGivers, and--"

"Is that a painkiller?" He holds his hand flat, as if expecting her to hand him the hypospray.

"Tramadol, yes," Leah answers. Her temples throb in rhythm with McGivers' screams. "I can report on my course of treatment _after_ I've administered--"

Kirk curls two fingers. "Give me that," he says flatly.

Leah's eyebrow hikes. Usually, she has to struggle to get medications into him. "The dose is for her mass, not yours, but if you're uncomfortable--"

"I'm _fine_." He waggles his eyebrows lasciviously enough to make her flush, here in Sickbay, with a patient shrieking behind her; then his full mouth flattens. "No painkillers for McGivers."

"God Almighty, you're phaser-burned too, you know how it hurts!" Leah clutches the hypospray tighter, as if to keep Kirk from plucking it from her fingers.

Or to keep herself from handing it over. "That little traitor shot me." Her belly clenches under Kirk's hard gaze. "No painkillers for her, Bones." She flushes hotter at the stupid nickname. "That's an order. Get her stable enough for questioning, then get your ass back over here and fix me up."

Leah wants to tell Kirk he can take his brutal, inhumane orders to Hell with him, but when she signed up with Starfleet she knew what underlay all the Empire's triumphs and conquests. Kirk curls his fingers again, and Leah's hand rises as if he controls it until she sets the hypospray on his palm; she jerks her chin in a nod, unable to say _Yes, Captain_, and grits her teeth behind her closed lips as she returns to her wailing patient.

 

**Three.**

They've been away from Earth for twenty months, and Joanna can't be pried from the viewport as the _Enterprise_ slides into planetary orbit. Kirk has arranged for Leah and Joanna to start their shore leave the second day of the stopover, and for her daughter's sake Leah will go, even though she's more than willing to let Jake have the damn planet, more than a little worried he might find a way to get at them if they set foot down there.

Kirk himself left as soon as _Enterprise_ was inside Luna's orbit, citing pressing personal business. He'd had Leah over for a 'morning meeting', and he hauled her up into a goodbye kiss, promising to bring back presents for her and Joanna. Leah sat in his bed watching him dress and go, tried to feel revulsion and could hate only herself.

It's not that he's pretty. Jake's handsome, too, if not as spectacularly as Kirk. It's not that he's kind, because as often as not he isn't. He leaves bruises when he wants to see them, he makes her scream in pain one night and pleasure another, and on the worst nights both, cuddling her in a parody of tenderness as she shakes afterwards. Leah wonders sometimes if she's really traded up, and that's definitely all she's done.

Well, no, Leah reminds herself, it's not. She's resumed her career, which Jake wouldn't allow her. She's saved a few lives, even if they have to live them in this crappy galaxy. Most importantly, Joanna loves space, the whole crew dotes on her, and Kirk's good with her, aside of having implanted death in her arm.

Between her grim musings and the planet spinning below them, Leah is snappish all day; after making Chapel grimace at breakfast and M'Benga frown before 1200 she takes herself off duty to pack, brood, and crave a drink or five. She's still in her quarters when the door slides open behind her and Kirk strides in like he owns the place, which he does.

He carries two white boxes tied with red string, like old-fashioned bakery boxes, the smaller one on top. "Jojo!" he calls and Joanna comes running, grabs his leg and shrieks with delight when her box reveals a new doll. Kirk shoos her back to her room to play with it, then says, "Sit down, Bones," to Leah and hands her the larger box.

It's about 28 centimeters in a cube, on the heavy side, something shifting within it as if it might roll. Leah sits, looking up at Kirk with the doubtful eyebrow raise that makes him grin at her, and pulls off the string.

Her first impression of the object inside is that it's wrapped in plastic. Then she sees that it has a face, closed eyes, parted lips. A face she knows well. Jake's face, slack in death.

Leah sucks in a startled breath, a scream vibrating in her throat. Kirk has brought her Jake's _head_. She opens her mouth--

\--and if she screams Joanna will come running, will _see_ this horror.

Leah presses her lips shut, and doesn't puke, and doesn't scream. She closes the box, sets it on the floor, and mutters, "Jesus _fuck_, Kirk," because if she doesn't she'll explode. Kirk lays a hand on her arm, but allows her to flinch away.

Then she takes another breath, forces herself to look up at Kirk's avid eyes and bright smile, and says, "Thank you," like a lady.

 

**Four.**

Leah peers at her face in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes are bloodshot, her skin is pasty and wet. Her hands are red and starting to prune from soaking and scrubbing, and she knows they feel bloodily sticky only because she's not right in the head.

She hasn't been right in the head since she set foot on this ship, since she let Kirk take her to his bed, since she decided to run to Starfleet instead of just killing herself. But she couldn't've left Joanna alone with Jake.

And now she can't tell Kirk no.

So when he pointed she hissed "I'm not an executioner, I'm a doctor," but under her voice so only Kirk could hear; she dialed in the triple dose, stepped forward under Security's impassive gazes, and watched the prisoner die convulsing, eyes rolled back, limbs rigid and spine arched.

Leah made herself watch the death of the man she killed at Kirk's order. Now she stares at herself in the mirror, that death replaying behind her eyes, looking at what becoming Kirk's woman has brought her to.

The first night she was his, while he explained her job duties between thrusts, Kirk had promised her, his fingers briefly gentle on her cheek, that he wouldn't make her torture anyone. Leah had nodded, shivering and gasping, sore from her throat to her thighs, and hadn't thought to ask him if he'd order her to deny treatment. She hadn't thought to ask him to promise he wouldn't make her kill. She doesn't think he would have, if she'd asked.

Leah flings up the toilet lid and retches again, though nothing comes up. She hasn't eaten for eleven hours and ten minutes, since five hours before Kirk summoned her to the brig and gave her the order, and what little she had left in her came up a half hour after that.

Joanna's with Chapel tonight, blessed woman, so Leah can make all the noise she wants. She screams and bangs her fists on the wall until she can feel the damaged flesh swelling. She retches, and curls up on the cold floor, and cries, and retches, and cries.

Kirk finds her in the shower, crumpled against the wall, still in her wet uniform. A month's water ration didn't make her feel any less filthy, but she didn't expect it to. He laughs at her, and she doesn't look up at him; he lifts her out, kissing her forehead, and she thinks she can feel his touch sinking into her skin, indelible.

"You're so melodramatic," he tells her as he strips her tunic and pants off, and she just curls her arms around herself and doesn't reply.

 

**Five.**

Leah jerks out of her exhausted sleep to find Kirk petting her, his fingers raking through her hair. "Stop it," she mutters, pulling away from his hands, and feels sick with relief when he grabs her shoulders, pinning her face-down to the bed. "Leggo, you murdering bastard," she adds, because sometimes his eyes narrow and gleam when she insults him in bed, sometimes he hurts her instead of this horrible tenderness.

Tonight, he just breathes a laugh over her ear. "Still freaking out?" he asks, voice light and curious, straddling her hips, pinning her thighs with his calves. "You must've been the worst kind of virgin."

"Just go ahead," she grits out between clenched teeth. "I can't stop you."

"You really can't." He licks the nape of her neck, shifting down her body, laying a trail of kisses down her spine. "Stay still," he orders, tingling over her skin, and she clutches the pillow with her achy bruised hands, shivering and trying not to respond. And failing.

Kirk kisses her hip, and the curve of her ass, and goes down on her with relentless determination until she's sobbing into the pillow, until she screams and comes for him. He keeps going, fingering her perfectly roughly until she comes again and again, until she's shuddering and coughing and boneless. Then, and only then, does he lean over her and fuck her, slowly, hot muscle all down her back and his teeth bared against her shoulder, and she comes for him then too.

Afterwards he pets her again, long strokes down her neck and back where he kissed. When she can make herself move she wipes her eyes, and her voice is rusty-raw when she speaks. "I'm not a damned cat."

"Yes you are," Kirk tells her. "Proud and prickly and aloof, and my pet. You're totally my cat."

Leah clenches her fist and thinks about all the ways she could kill him, and he laughs against the back of her neck. Then he peels away from her as he says, "I went by Chapel's while you were sleeping."

Leah has done everything Kirk's ordered, she tells the rush of fear sweeping through her, she tells her painfully stuttering heart. "How's Joanna?"

"She's fine." Pressing to her back again, he kisses her cheek, and her skin should crawl under his mouth, but it doesn't. "Gave me a kiss for you. Oh, and this." He hands her a small rattling vial.

It contains the chip from Joanna's arm. Intact, undischarged.

Leah stares at it for an unbreathing moment, hope and fear buffeting her heart like a kickball. But it's really the same chip, and it really hasn't been triggered.

Then she rolls over, and Kirk smirks at her. "Who ever heard of a cat on a leash?"

Leah shakes her head, and says, "I hate you," and parts her lips and kisses him.

 

**Six.**

Five years ago Leah offered herself to Starfleet, body and soul, just to keep her daughter with her. Three weeks ago she transferred Chapel Earthside, and sent Joanna away. With Kirk's help she got them both into the Jellico Academy, and when Joanna looked at her with wet eyes she kissed her daughter and blithely lied that she'd be back soon.

The ostensible reason to leave Joanna behind is that the _Enterprise_ is heading out on a deep space mission to deal with a series of small rebellions. But Leah has another reason, and the second rebellion puts Kirk in Sickbay and gives her her chance.

She hasn't made a deal with anyone for this; she hopes Spock and Uhura and Sulu rip the ship apart between them, that the _Enterprise_ burns in their ensuing civil war. She has two doses in her hypo, one for Kirk and one for herself. Joanna has Chapel and Jake's money, and is on Earth. Leah has her freedom in her hand.

But she leans over Kirk, his face quiet and soft in the dim Gamma Shift lighting, and sees five years of this alliance, how young he still is, his eyes large and closed, his throat vulnerable. She sees the horrific convulsions of the man he made her kill, the wounds of everyone she's patched up after he tortured them, the faces of everyone she's had the opportunity to save. She sees the way he smiles at her in bed, eyes glinting and predatory as he moves over her, and the bright smiles he gave Joanna. She sees too much, and she hesitates.

Kirk opens his eyes. He shouldn't be awake for another two hours, even with the way his metabolism burns through medications, but he looks up at her with those bright blue eyes, only a little muzzily, his smile sweet and sharp. "Hey, Bones," he whispers, and Leah can't reach down and make those eyes dim into emptiness. She drops the hypo, presses her hands to her face, and collapses to her knees beside the biobed.

Kirk's fingers nestle into her hair, and Leah shakes hard and swallows harder over the lump in her throat, pressing her lips shut as she hitches with silent sobs under the weight of his hand. After a two-minute eternity she clambers to her feet, putting the hypo in her pocket. Kirk's already asleep again, but she just tucks his dangling arm into the bed, knuckles the tears off her face, and crosses Sickbay to her office.

She finds a message from Joanna waiting for her, and she doesn't make a sound as she reads it, but she smiles.


End file.
